What’s harder?
Those of you who read Dooce might have noticed that she’s participating in this thing called “Momversation.” While the name of this video series kind of makes me want to die, some interesting things pop up. The most recent topic of discussion…
Wife or Mother: What’s Harder?
My ears perked up as soon as I saw this because it’s something that’s been on my mind lately. Granted, while I have only been a mother for 7 1/2 weeks, I feel like I’m starting to feel my way out of the fog and getting myself some opinions about this whole parenting thing.
For me, while my marriage is wonderful (probably because as a child of divorced parents, I went into marriage with no delusions), I must say that it’s harder in the sense of making priorities. When you have a baby, the expectations are pretty clear, especially at the beginning – so clear that failure to meet them is sometimes punishable by law.
Marriage? Not so much. If you neglect your marriage*, it doesn’t scream at you for hours on end. And if it did, you couldn’t just change its diaper or stick it on your chest to fix things. While motherhood is exhausting (and wonderful and rewarding, don’t throw things at me!), it’s also instinctual, at least for me. When I’m away from Jackson or if he’s in pain or in need of something, I have a physical need to be near him and/or take care of him that accompanies my emotional attachment to him.
What do you think?
*This post is by no means an indication that my marriage is being neglected. We are still uber** in love and kiss all the time.
**See? We are so in love I said “uber.”
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Not to be crude but I’m pretty sure a diaper change and some chest action would pretty well fix anything in my marriage.
Love is instinctual on every level – it’s wired in to us to care for those we love, to be close to them when they’re in need, to be long for them if they are distant. We wired for emotional closeness and presence. We don’t grow out of it, even though society tells us we should, but we never do. We always need someone(s) that we can rely on and who can rely on us. Attachment is from the cradle to the grave. We’re just stronger together. The difference from loving as an adult and being a parent is the caring for and being taken care of is recipocal in adult loving.
Good for you and your marriage you’re in touch with needing to be close!
Now, you see, there I was thinking that “delusion” was the *key* to marriage, in the sense that saying the appropriate thing rather than the factual thing is often the best course. Exhibit A would be the hackneyed “Do you think these sequined Jordache jeans from high school still look good on me?” or “Honey, am I still the mix of Atticus Finch and MacGyver (burp) that you fell in love with?”
Seems to me that’s a great way to keep your marriage from hours of screaming. But I’m a blogger, what do I know?