Made in Richmond

I had my glucose screening today. Here’s how it went down…

I woke up at 6:45. I couldn’t eat breakfast because huzzah! you’re not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight the evening before you take the test. Do you know how torturous that is for a lady in her third trimester? Very.

I arrived at LabCorp at around 8:15 to find a jam-packed waiting room. As I signed in, I noticed a sign by the desk saying “If you’re here for a glucose screening, please tell the attendant immediately upon arrival.” So I did. I then proceeded to cut in front of the approximately 25 people who were in line ahead of me because apparently the glucose screening trumps all other tests.

I waddled back into the exam room - that’s what I do now, what with the fetus camped out on my bladder, making me feel like I’m going to pee in my pants about 87% of my waking hours. The nice lady took a vial of blood and then asked me to down a bottle of what looked like Hawaiian Punch but tasted like warm Dimetapp. The first couple sips weren’t so bad. By the end of the bottle, I thought I was going to throw up. Except I would have thrown up nothing because, I’m sure you all remember, I hadn’t eaten breakfast.

She then escorted me to a holding area where I sat in a tiny plastic chair for one hour, waiting to see how my body would react to the sudden and ridiculous influx of sugar.

A few minutes after sitting down, I definitely felt quite the rush. The baby must have felt it, too, because there was much kicking and flipping. That lasted about 10 minutes.

And then came the crash.

I spent the next 45 minutes nodding off and almost falling out of m tiny plastic chair. Finally, she came back to get me so she could take *another* vial of blood. I almost fell asleep in the chair AS SHE WAS DOING IT.

The next thing I knew, I was at work and the bag of Wheat Thins I had brought with me was empty.

Hopefully I didn’t cause any major highway incidents during my drive, because I do not recall a single second of it. Or the eating of the Wheat Thins.