SAHM, WOHM, WAHM, WTF, Y’ALL

(Look! A post! With real words!)

I’ve been wanting to write about this for several days, ever since the hooplah over Ann Romney and Hillary Rosen all exploded in everyone’s faces and that horrible term “Mommy Wars” started popping up everywhere…again. I even agonized over whether I should share my thoughts in the parenting column I do over at RVANews because maybe it would be a welcome departure from me being all gooey about JR.

But when it came down to actually putting pen to paper (which I actually do when writing those columns…at least before putting fingers to keyboard)…I realized I didn’t really have anything to say. Nothing particularly inspiring or provocative at least. Because here’s the thing: I’ve been pretty much every working/not working while mothering scenario since JR made his arrival. And they are all hard. That’s it. End of story. They are hard.

I spent the first few weeks of JR’s life as a stay-at-home mom. It was hard.

I spent the remainder of JR’s first year as a work-at-home mom three days a week and a work-outside-of-the-home-mom the rest of the week. It was hard.

I spent almost 18 months as a full-time, work-outside-of-the-home-mom. It was hard.

I now work outside of the home two days a week and spend the remainder of the week as a stay-at-home-mom (but sometimes a work-at-home-mom, depending on how well my days in the office go). It IS hard.

IT IS ALL HARD.

Don’t get me wrong, each scenario has some wonderful parts, some fantastic “perks”, if you will, but each also comes with struggle, guilt, stress, and (as always) exhaustion.

Mothering is hard. Parenting is hard. But I wonder if we could maybe make it less hard by fighting the urge to judge one another on how we go about it?

2 thoughts on “SAHM, WOHM, WAHM, WTF, Y’ALL

  1. I’m nobody’s mom and I still couldn’t agree more. It’s all hard. There are tradeoffs in EVERY situation. Can we give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that most everyone is doing what is best for THEIR family at THAT time and respect that it’s a hard decision to make? It’s sad to me that we haven’t really evolved very much in the issues of balancing working and parenting in the past 60 years. In order to move forward, I think we have to be accepting that there are a lot of ways to do it right and no way to do it perfectly. Posts and conversations like this are the best way to make sure our kids aren’t having this “debate” in 30 years.

  2. Cheers to that!

    I was a full time working mom for the first 2 years of my daughters life and now I stay home full time. (my daughter is 4 1/2, my son is 18m today. Sob! Where did the time go! But I digress…). Both situations were challenging and I felt guilty about something.

    I wish moms in every situation would embrace that challenge and guilt to make them better parents in their situation and not use it to put down others to build themselves up. As I always tell my daughter when she is faced with overly competitive kids, “life is not a competition. Everyone is different.”

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