My first big decision as a parent
As I mentioned in my last post, in a couple weeks I have the option of getting some blood work done that will assess the probability of certain genetic disorders. When first presented with the option, I immediately thought, “Ok, well I’ll definitely get that done.”
Now I’m not so sure.
The results of this test won’t change anything for us, so part of me thinks maybe we should just leave it alone. But another part of me leans towards wanting to be as informed as possible. Thus I’m torn.
I’m trying to stay away from Google on this one and instead I started by seeking out the opinions of several other women who are close to me in age and have recently had to make this decision themselves. And they have so graciously offered their advice and perspectives.
But I still don’t know what to do.
Although, I did get some encouragement from a wonderful co-worker today who said, “Whatever decision you make, it’s going to be the right one.” And I know she’s right. What we do is totally up to us and based on what we’re comfortable with. No one can tell us what to do here.
And, honestly, that pretty much scares the crap out of me.
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I had this same dilemma when I became pregnant at 39. I took the test because if there were something wrong it would be good to be prepared, however, when I had cramping after the amnio I was so worried that I would lose the baby. Later when they gave me the results of the genetic studies (just based on the extensive family history,not the test itself) I found that my risk was so remote, that if I had known that ahead of time I would never have taken the test. It’s a tough decision, but if you plan to have the baby no matter what, I would think twice. Good luck and congratulations- it is a scary and wonderful time (I should know, I’ve had 6!)
Lurker delurking here. I have three sons – I was given the lovely label of “Advanced Maternal Age” when we had our last child. We opted for the genetic counseling and found it to be quite surreal but informational. Basically, we wouldn’t have “done” anything regardless of the results but wanted to be prepared. Luckily, our chances for genetic anomalies were slim and we stopped there.
I agree with your co-worker. Whatever you decide will be the right thing. Pregnant brain/Mommy brain causes you to second guess and third guess everything but Mommy heart never leads you off the path you should follow.
Good luck and best wishes.
Don’t worry! You will find the answer that is best for you and your hubby.
Just think… it’s just the beginning of all your mommy worrying! Comes with the territory, I suppose!
I agree with Deborah – the testing will not so much be a change in plans if something comes up in the results – but if something does, you want to be prepared. When I was pregnant, we opted for the triple screen testing and decided that no matter what, we would still have our baby. But, if we were going to have a child with down syndrome, etc. – we wanted to know so that we could study and be prepared for how our child would be different and the same as other children. So that as parents, we could provide a high quality of life for our child – regardless of mental or physical differences….
We had the screen, but with the knowledge that it probably wouldn’t change anything we’d do. I would’ve refused an amnio if anything had come up. I know way too many women who’ve had false positives on the stupid test to risk it. Of course, we have no history of genetic issues in either family – were there risk factors on either side, I would have been more likely to act on a positive result.
You’re right about parenting choices – from here on out, you’re going to get advice whether you want it or not, from people who may present themselves as “experts” in childbirth/rearing, to those who simply share their experiences, to those who just say “Do what feels right.” That’s probably the best advice, anyway
Val,
I read your blog all the time and very rarely make comments, but I couldn’t resist on this one. My wife and I have three kids. With our third, we did the initial tests and the amnio, both came back clean. C., my son, ended up having special needs.
I say this not to make you worry at all, but to agree with everyone who has commented already. When Flipper comes out, you will be entered into the most awesome club ever. The only true advice that ever works for us as parents is that quiet, still voice that we hear when we’re really looking for the right answer.
Good luck to you and Ross on the birth of your first baby. It’s gonna be awesome!
Your coworker is right. Whatever decision you make would be the right one. You guys are going to be great parents!
I have three kids and didn’t do this testing with any of them. Pregnancy is something you should enjoy (as much as possible). Those tests give off a lot of false positives. Then you will spend 20 weeks worried sick and the worry might be for naught.
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