How can you not love a song that makes such a simple and wonderful promise as “You’ll be happy”? (FYI: She does kind of shout a couple variations of the F-word, but you’ll be ok, I think.)

Fiona Apple, where you been, girl? Also: Tidal, her debut album, came out ALMOST 16 YEARS AGO. Also also: I bet I still know every word to every single song on that album.

What are you listening to, folks?

Lego building.

Coffee drinking.

Responsibility learning.

Pill taking.

Heart breaking.

How about you?

My latest Raising Richmond column is up and I think you should read it. It’s about how I love my C-section scar. I didn’t always love it, but now it’s one of my most things on my person.

Go on! Read it! It’s not gross!

It kills me.

Yes. Six weeks of INFECTION in my FACE.

The fact that I have a sinus infection is not at all surprising; I get them all the time. But they typically aren’t so persistent.

So after a Z-pack and a round of 875mg of amoxicillin twice a day for 10 days, I am now on a 10 day run of Augmentin to be paired with Mucinex D until I’m finished with the antibiotic. If THAT doesn’t work, I have a prescription for some sort of steroid situation tucked away if needed.

And if THAT doesn’t work, I get to have a CT scan done of my face because my doctor thinks I could possibly have some sort of internal, structural issue causing these infections that would require surgery In fact, he even asked me if I suffered any sort of trauma to my nose or face because my nasal passages just don’t drain properly.

How hot is that?

The amount of medication required to keep me functioning and feeling ok at this moment is a bit ridiculous. Here’s a list!

1. Zoloft (for my brain)
2. Clonazepam (also for my brain, but only as needed…which is somewhat often right now)
3. Augmentin (for the sinuses)
4. Mucinex (also for the sinuses)
5. Flonase (to manage the allergies which could potentially be the cause of the sinus issues — we’re hoping that’s it because I’d rather not have surgery INSIDE MY NOSE)
6. Birth control (because the last thing I need to worry about right now is a baby)

That just seems…not right. There are so many chemicals running through my body, I’m eventually going to turn into a mutant, I think.

Ugh, I can’t even talk about it anymore. Send peanut butter cups. And tissues.

Him: What are we doing today, Mama?

Me: Um. Well. Hmmm…hey, here’s some crackers!

So the other day I decided to take advantage of the nice(r) weather we’d been having and sent JR on a scavenger hunt. He was in charge of holding the list, finding the objects, and checking them off as we went. I was in charge of taking pictures so we could show his dad when he got home.

Here’s what we found:

A red car

A soccer ball

A stop sign (the sun was in his eyes)

A squirrel (it’s up in that tree back there, I swear)

A flower (also in the background…and I don’t know what JR is doing)

A bike

And our checklist

The whole thing took us about 30 minutes (JR has a tendency to get distracted and we had a lot of “No, YOU the hold the pay-perrrrrr” at first) and ended up being a lot of fun. Recommended!

LET’S DO THIS, Y’ALL.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Became a mostly stay-at-home mom. I’ll admit, it threw me for a loop there for a while, but things are good these days.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I always make a resolution to drink more water, but it never happens.

As far as next year, I’d like to more intentional about how JR and I spend our time. I also want to be more proactive about scheduling time for me to do things that have nothing to do with preschoolers.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
We had about a million babies born at church, but as far as people close to me, I’d say:

• My new friend Katie who has the best attitude (and hair) ever — mama to Myles
• My lovely friend Leah who is intimidatingly cool and just fantastic — mama to Grey
• Maura, the love of my life — mama to Arden
• Susan, the funniest person I know — mama to Archie
• Anna, the first funniest person I know who I am now adding because I’m a total jerk-face, just as I will mention below — mama to Potter, AKA Meatball, Pot Roast

All boys! I love baby boys!

I’m sure I’m forgetting someone. If it is you, I am so embarrassed and so sorry.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I don’t…think so? Oh God, that would be even worse than forgetting someone on the last one.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. I’m poor, dudes.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
More time hanging out with THE LAY-DEEEEEEEES. And maybe money? I don’t know. More financial security, however that looks. Yes, that.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 25th, my last day at RVANews.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting my son to poop in the damn toilet. I’m also really proud of the writing I did for the RVANews parenting column.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I think I could’ve been a much better wife this year. Adjusting to life at home with JR and managing a resurgence of my anxiety and depression made things really, really hard at times. I’d like to do better next year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Other than the brains, not really. Unless you count that time I sort of sprained my thumb lifting a laundry basket that was clearly too full of clothes.

(Life is different now.)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Every bottle of nail polish that I impulsively tossed into the basket at CVS. When you’re broke, it’s the nicest little treat.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage, daycare/preschool fees. Probably Cook-Out. And maybe the nail polish.

13. What did you get really excited about?
Taking JR to his first movie.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
The Friday Night Lights theme song. TEXAS FOREVER.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Both. I’m working in extremes these days.
– thinner or fatter? About the same.
– richer or poorer? Ha. Haha. Hahahahahaha.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Chilling the eff out.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Freaking the eff out.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve with the in-laws. Christmas morning with my mom and sibs. Christmas night with my dad. And my boys were there for all of it, which was all I really wanted.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Obviously, Friday Night Lights (TEXAS FOREVER AGAIN). And the IT Crowd, which is hilariously fantastic.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
All of the books from the Song of Ice and Fire series that I’ve read so far. And The Hunger Games.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Guys, I love me some Gaga and always will.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
I think I saw The King’s Speech at the beginning of this year, so I’ll say that. I seriously can’t remember what new movies I’ve seen this year. WHO AM I?

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30 and we had a pizza party in Ross’s parent’s basement and watched Wet Hot American Summer. Apparently I thought I was turning 15.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Despite the hard stuff, I’m pretty satisfied with how this year went. Big changes happened, but things are good.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Clean. Ish.

26. What kept you sane?
Zoloft. Coach and Tami Taylor. My husband. My incredible, wonderful, supportive, hilarious friends (both in real life and on the Twitters).

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
When people tell you they love you, believe them. Don’t fight it and love them back as hard as you possibly can.

Happy New Year, guys!

So until I make it over here again, I’ll leave you with this, which still makes me tear up even though I’ve watched it more times than I can count…

And Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Imagine my surprise when I saw this:

That’s four (4) kittens. Sitting in a Diet Coke box. On my back porch. I thought I was hallucinating, but then one squeaked at me. I don’t know why a potentially hallucinated kitten squeaking proves it’s real, but I just went with it.

Shortly before that picture was taken, the kittens’ mama darted off the back porch and into the bushes that line our fence. Her name is Lady Cat.

Ok, her name isn’t really Lady Cat (at least to the best of my knowledge), but that’s what I call her.

Lady Cat has been hanging out around our yard for about six months. I didn’t know if she was a stray or an outdoor cat or whatever, but she never caused any trouble, so I didn’t pay her much mind. She just liked to hang out on our side porch, which we never use anyway, so what did I care? We have an understanding, Lady Cat and I.

After finding cover in the bushes, Lady Cat peered over at me. I felt like she was saying one of two things:

1. Meow meow meow hiss meow meow

or

2. Dear Human Lady who kindly gives me use of that porch thingy, here are my young. I have placed them in this box festooned with the logo of your favorite beverage as a way of branding them as yours. Please care for them as you do that large-headed stumbly loud thing that likes to come outside sometimes and throw mulch and sing “Life is a Highway.”

Welp, either way, the kitties had to go.

Look, I like cats. I LOVE kittens even. But I have a husband who hates cats. And I have two big dumb dogs. And I have LIMITS. I’m already responsible for the eating and pooping habits of too many other creatures in this house that I…I JUST CAN’T.

So I called Animal Control, just like the websites for the SPCA and our local human society told me to. A couple hours later, they sent over a nice man who was about two inches shorter than me and kept calling me “Baby Doll.” I guess maybe I was less offended by this because I knew I could pummel him if needed? I dunno.

Anyway, I took him out back and tried to show him where the kittens were; by that point they had scattered into various places in the yard. When he found out their mother was still around, he said there wasn’t much they could do — they don’t like to separate the kittens from the mother because it lowers their chance for survival. Then he told me to sprinkle cayenne pepper all over the yard so they would go away. And THEN he told me never to handle kitty litter because it will make me and my baby sick. When I told him I wasn’t pregnant he said, “You will be.” And THEEEEEEEN he told me that he has a four bedroom house that probably costs way less than my house.

I just blinked a lot and smiled until he left.

So Lady Cat and her four bastard children are now currently squatting in various places in our yard. I’m guessing the dogs will probably scare them off pretty soon, and that will be that.

But it was a really nice surprise, nonetheless.

Earlier today JR declared he wanted to do a “prahyect.” (That’s “project” for those of you who don’t speak preschool). So I came up with this, all impromptu like.

Yep. This former elementary school teacher’s still got it.

*dusts off hands, pats on back, various preening behavior, etc.*