I cried a lot this morning.
And, no, I’m not pregnant (SHANNON) and I wasn’t watching Parenthood (the show, not the movie, although the movie also makes me weep… openly).
I slept for about 2 hours last night. The night before that? Preeeeetty much the same. Same thing for the night before that and the night before that.
So that’s been awesome.
Although I said things are better with the whole day care/me working out of the home more situation, my feelings this week are not so much in line with that statement.
Work is stressful right now – you know, like sick to your stomach, please just leave me alone stressful. When it gets to be like that, my first response is “I just want to quit and stay home and be with my kid. It’s not worth it.”
But let’s be honest, in that situation, I’m using the stay-at-home option as a way to potentially escape the stress of work*. I’m not ready to give up working. While I love (love, love, love, LOOOOOOOVE) being home with JR, I also love work. However, I don’t so much love my approach to work.
I work constantly, making myself available to other people pretty much nonstop from the moment I wake up until the moment I got to sleep.
That needs to stop. And quick.
I have other (more important) things to think about, to invest my time in. Like my child, my marriage, and, oh yeah, MY SANITY.
So, it’s rule time.
As of today, Fridays (which are supposed to be my day off) are actually going to be my day off. An Out of office message will be set up and I will only use the Internet to read blogs and celebrity news, just as nature intended.
Also (and this is huge/terrifying for me), I will not be checking email after 9:30pm. This might sound not at all nuts for some people, but trust me, it’s kind of giving me chest pains. One of my jobs requires a lot of communication with freelancers who, incidentally, often do their work at night. But I’ll make it work. It needs to work.
Regardless of the potential wrenches these rules might throw into things, they have to happen. For my kid, my husband, and for me.
(Hold me, I’m scared.)
*I don’t want to imply that people who choose to stay home are doing so to escape the stresses of work. Being a stay-at-home parent comes with its own set of very real and very hard challenges. I just mean that for me, when/if I come to the decision to stay home, I want it to come from a positive place, not from one of stress and frustration with my current situation.