Life crisis and new rules

JR, hubs, life, work — Valerie on March 12, 2010 at 5:07 pm

I cried a lot this morning.

And, no, I’m not pregnant (SHANNON) and I wasn’t watching Parenthood (the show, not the movie, although the movie also makes me weep… openly).

I slept for about 2 hours last night. The night before that? Preeeeetty much the same. Same thing for the night before that and the night before that.

So that’s been awesome.

Although I said things are better with the whole day care/me working out of the home more situation, my feelings this week are not so much in line with that statement.

Work is stressful right now - you know, like sick to your stomach, please just leave me alone stressful. When it gets to be like that, my first response is “I just want to quit and stay home and be with my kid. It’s not worth it.”

But let’s be honest, in that situation, I’m using the stay-at-home option as a way to potentially escape the stress of work*. I’m not ready to give up working. While I love (love, love, love, LOOOOOOOVE) being home with JR, I also love work. However, I don’t so much love my approach to work.

I work constantly, making myself available to other people pretty much nonstop from the moment I wake up until the moment I got to sleep.

That needs to stop. And quick.

I have other (more important) things to think about, to invest my time in. Like my child, my marriage, and, oh yeah, MY SANITY.

So, it’s rule time.

As of today, Fridays (which are supposed to be my day off) are actually going to be my day off. An Out of office message will be set up and I will only use the Internet to read blogs and celebrity news, just as nature intended.

Also (and this is huge/terrifying for me), I will not be checking email after 9:30pm. This might sound not at all nuts for some people, but trust me, it’s kind of giving me chest pains. One of my jobs requires a lot of communication with freelancers who, incidentally, often do their work at night. But I’ll make it work. It needs to work.

Regardless of the potential wrenches these rules might throw into things, they have to happen. For my kid, my husband, and for me.

(Hold me, I’m scared.)

*I don’t want to imply that people who choose to stay home are doing so to escape the stresses of work. Being a stay-at-home parent comes with its own set of very real and very hard challenges. I just mean that for me, when/if I come to the decision to stay home, I want it to come from a positive place, not from one of stress and frustration with my current situation.

Five stages of a child’s illness (as experienced by a couple)

JR, hubs — Valerie on February 13, 2010 at 8:44 pm

Stage 1: Breeziness

Hmm, he feels a little warm. You know, he was a little sniffly and crabby today. Let’s just give him some Motrin and put him down early. He’ll be fine tomorrow. My, didn’t we handle that well?

Stage 2: Panic

Is he wheezing? I think he’s wheezing. Did you take his temperature? 103? What do we do? Can you call your mother? Please call your mother. I’m going to keep redialing the doctor’s office until they open so we can schedule an appointment. Is he wheezing?

Stage 3: Mutual hatred

You think you’re tired? *I’M* tired. How many times have you sucked the snot out of his head today? Oh yeah, well I don’t really care if you’re stressed out. We’re all going through this so SHUT UP. That’s it, no more babies.

Stage 4: Solidarity

Babe, I’m so glad you’re here. I would never be able to do this without you. I feel like we have the same bond that P.O.W.’s do, ya know? We can get through this. We will get through this and be so much stronger for it. Babe, babe, I love you. I just…I just love you (please don’t leave me alone with the shrieking child oh God).

Stage 5: Euphoria

He’s laughing! He’s eating! He’s smiling! Remember how awful that was? Oh, he’s so perfect. And you’re wonderful. No *you’re* wonderful. No, no *you’re* wonderful.

Thankful for…

JR, family, friends, hubs, life — Valerie on November 25, 2009 at 8:15 pm

A healthy, happy, beautiful baby boy

My wonderful, handsome, and loving hubs

A job I love

An amazing church

Supportive friends (both in “real life” and via the Internets)

Selfless family

You, the ones who keep coming back and listening when I really don’t have much to say.

***

My cup runneth over, as they say. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Point!

JR, baby love, hubs — Valerie on September 25, 2009 at 9:45 pm

I’ve been referring to this past Wednesday as “The Day Of Much Woe.” Work was frustrating on many different levels, JR was determined to do anything but nap, the house was (and still is) a disaster, and, ugh, just a million other things that I just can’t muster up the energy to talk about.

More than anything, I felt like a totally shitty parent that day. During the rare moments that I wasn’t completely occupied with something else, in those precious, fleeting pockets of time where I could have been playing with JR on the floor or reading to him… I just couldn’t do it.

And then I felt horrible. Because that’s what I do.

And then I felt guilty. Because I do that, too.

With the guilt came thoughts of, “I don’t play with him enough. I don’t talk to him enough. He’s going to be behind developmentally because I’m such an effing introvert that it doesn’t even occur to me to talk sometimes. Sure he does wave “bye-bye” but not all the time. And he’ll point to Ross when you say ‘Where’s Dada?’ about 60% of the time. But he rarely points to me when someone asks, ‘Where’s Mama?’ He has no clue who we are. Oh God, Oh God.”

Later that evening, I expressed all of this to Ross through some hiccuping and ugly tears.

Ross sighed, went over to JR, picked him up, walked back over to me, and said, “Where’s Mama?”

Without missing a beat, that baby of mine smiled, turned to me, and shoved one gloriously chubby finger right in my face.

And then I thanked God for that baby and his sweet father. Because I don’t do that enough.

I love this picture

JR, hubs, life — Valerie on July 5, 2009 at 9:27 pm

Ross took this on his iPhone when we were at the park this weekend. It makes me happy for two reasons:

1. It’s obvious where JR inherited his tendency to furrow.

2. Why do I look so confused by a playground toy?

Just what I needed to hear

hubs, in love — Valerie on June 24, 2009 at 8:27 pm

This evening we were in the thick of the unholy hour between the baby’s dinner and bedtime while trying to coordinate who was going to do what in preparation for our dinner and getting the kid off to sleep. Trying to process that along with all of the work and tasks that need to be completed between now and when we board a plane for Iowa at 7am on Friday morning caused me to stop in my tracks and take a deep breath.

Ross stopped, looked at me, and said, “What can I do to help you?”

It’s so rare that we hear *exactly* what we need to hear, but this was one of those moments.

Husbands (particularly mine) are good things.

Shaking it off

JR, hubs, in love — Valerie on May 16, 2009 at 7:46 pm

“I’m a shell. I have nothing to offer anyone right now.”

This is what I said to Ross as I sat crying on the couch in our basement this afternoon.

I’m not happy with how I’ve been approaching pretty much everything in my life these days. I greet every request with exasperation, sometimes outwardly, always inwardly. I’m defensive, passive aggressive, and mopey.

And really, no one is more pissed off about it than I am.

I have a beautiful, healthy child, a wonderful, smart, hard-working husband, and not only a job, but one that I love. I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

So it’s high time I shut up. So here I am. Shutting up.

From here on out I’m going to do my best to focus on the great parts of my life, refusing to let the mess of the everday suck up so much of my energy. It’s not worth it. I spend so much time anticipating the next thing that has to be done that I’m not allowing myself to be present in the moment at hand. And before I know it, I’ll look up and JR will no longer be my little boy, and I will have spent his babyhood fixated on the mundane rather than the miracle that he is. And that’s not fair.

He’s enough. They are enough.

100 things - Ross edition

hubs — Valerie on April 6, 2009 at 8:35 pm

Remember back a million years ago when everyone was doing their 100 things posts? I did one, too. This isn’t one of those. At least, it’s not about me.

I’ve decided to do a series of 100 things posts about some of my most favorite people in my life, just so you all can get to know them a bit better. And seriously, I don’t know how many more OMG MAH BEH BEH IS SO CUTE posts you all can take.

So! As my inaugural post in this series, I present 100 things about my dear hubs, as I know him…

1. He was born in West Virginia.

2. He has lived in Chicago, Deleware, Brazil, and Brussels.

3. He is an only child.

4. He weighed 10 pounds when he was born.

5. He came to Richmond in 8th grade.

6. He went to the Math & Science High School at Clover Hill.

7. He majored in Math and minored in Religion at Virginia Tech.

8. His blood flows maroon and orange.

9. He has curly brown hair and light, sky-blue eyes.

10. He hated corn when he was a baby.

11. He is allergic to sulfa drugs.

12. He was fortunate enough to go through his semi-awkward phase while living in Europe.

13. He has an abnormally large space between his big toe and second toe, making his feet perfectly engineered for flip flops.

14. He had hair halfway down his back in high school.

15. He also used to wear LOTS of rings.

16. He got called to the principals office senior year for organizing a voting block for senior superaltives.

17. He is right-handed.

18. He is an Eagle Scout.

19. His Eagle Scout project involved retiring old American flags.

20. He loves camping but rarely gets to go.

21. He is petrified of talking on the phone.

22. He loves it when old woman call him “honey.”

23. He loves beer.

24. He can’t handle it when bugs are inside the house. Outside is fine.

25. He doesn’t like to shower.

26. He has problems sitting still.

27. He wears Pumas to formal events.

28. He has been in more weddings than anyone I know, I think.

29. He gets along famously with his parents.

30. He loves Richmond.

31. He cooks me dinner every night.

32. He doesn’t know how to work the washing machine.

33. He never had a pet growing up.

34. He loves funfetti.

35. He didn’t like football until college.

36. He loves spices.

37. He loves Antiques Roadshow.

38. He has never seen Wayne’s World.

39. He grinds his teeth when he sleeps.

40. He leaves cabinet doors wide open.

41. He will do anything chore you can imagine as long as you put it “on his list.”

42. He loves to garden. I think he secretly wishes he could be a farmer.

43. He has a spectacular sense of humor.

44. He graduated from college a semester early.

45. He hasn’t gotten a professional hair cut in about 6 years.

46. He loves tracking our budget.

47. He likes to tuck his dirty socks into weird places.

48. He always remembers to thoroughly rinse off his toothbrush before putting in the holder.

49. He will wear the same shirt for a week straight.

50. He loves sci-fi and fantasy.

51. He’s gorgeous.

52. He loves apple pie.

53. He bought my engagement ring in Philadelphia from the same guy who sells bling to the Eagles.

54. He requires hang out time with dudes.

55. He prefers to nap on the couch.

56. He has excellent taste in television.

57. He often tells stories over and over again.

58. Sometimes he’ll tell me stories that I was either there for or told him myself.

59. He’s horrible at remembering names.

60. But he feels bad about it.

61. He once introduced himself to a friend’s sister on seven different ocassions.

62. When he realized it, he felt so bad that he bought her a card to apologize.

63. But he put it in the wrong mailbox.

64. Toddlers love him.

65. They often will bring him up in conversation without being prompted.

66. When I nannied, the little boy I took care of always wanted to call him at work. Ross was always willing to chat it up.

67. He loves inside jokes.

68. He understands the humor in certain punctuation and capitalization choices.

69. He says “Here’s a thing” ALL THE TIME.

70. He loves his parents.

71. He has perfect skin.

72. He’s a sucker for a nice smile.

73. He understands the importance of “face time.”

75. He loves reading to JR.

76. He shaves his head in the summer.

77. He owns no formal clothing.

78. It’s an issue whenever we have a wedding to go to.

79. He waits to pack until the very last minute.

80. And yet he’s always ready before I am.

81. He makes homemade granola and crackers.

82. When he feels the slightest bit sick, he stays home, rests up, and is good to go.

83. Consequently, he’s rarely ever very sick.

84. He drinks more water than I thought humanly possible.

85. This also possibly explains #83.

86. He’s great at anything that requires extreme focus and attention to detail.

87. That is, if he cares about it.

88. He demands that we get to the movie theater at least 30 minutes before the movie starts.

89. If we are going to a movie with you, he lets you know that 1) we will be there early, 2) we will not save seats for you, so be on time, and 3) we will stay until the end of the credits.

90. When he finds out someone is on Netflix, he immediately says (almost yells) “WILL YOU BE MY NETFLIX FRIEND?”

91. He loves watching movies.

92. I’m not sure we could be married if he didn’t.

93. Cross-dressing comedies are his favorite genre.

94. He can’t handle feeling pity for anyone.

95. Thus, he can’t watch most movies featuring William H. Macy.

96. He loves “The Emporer’s New Groove.”

97. Whenever we watch animated movies, he says, “Well, it’s no ‘Emperor’s New Groove’ as soon as it’s over.

98. This one of my most favorite things about him.

99. He loves me.

100. I love him.

Reading time

JR, hubs — Valerie on February 28, 2009 at 8:31 pm

Marriage Meme!

hubs — Valerie on February 19, 2009 at 10:01 pm

What are your middle names?

Mine is Lynn. His is Adam.

How long have you been together?

We started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. We broke up a year later and got back together a year after that. So we’ve been romantically involved in some way for twelve years HOLY HELL.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

I think we met freshman year of high school maybe? So like a year maybe? Clearly it happened before I was capable of formulating memories.

Who asked whom out?

I didn’t ask guys out, so I’m assuming he asked me.

How old are each of you?

I’m 27. He’s 28. WIN.

Whose siblings do you see the most?

Definitely mine as he is an only child.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

That would be raising another person. And how he can’t remember anything. Ever.

Did you go to the same school?

Middle school and high school, yes. College, no. He went to Virginia Tech and I went to the University of Richmond.

Are you from the same home town?

Nope. Ross was born in West Virginia and grew up all over. I’ve been in Richmond my entire life.

Who is smarter?

Ross is smarter with numbers and logic and general nerdery. I’m smarter when it comes to words and remembering important things like who was in that movie one time with Edward James Olmos.

Who is the most sensitive?

That would be me. Not because I’m overly-sensitive, but rather that Ross is a robot.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We’re too poor to eat out. SOB.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Dominican Republic

Who has the craziest exes?

Well since Ross dated everyone IN THE WORLD, his exes are more likely to be crazier because there are so many of them. Odds and all.

Who has the worst temper?

Me. I’m a yeller, a door-slammer, and walker-offer.

Who does the cooking?

Ross. I make toast. That’s about it.

Who is the neat-freak?

Neither one of us, really. This is why we don’t have people over much.

Who is more stubborn?

Probably me. Except when it comes to calling for pizza. Ross just won’t do it. He says it’s because he’s afraid he won’t be able to answer any questions they ask them. Because pizza places are known for their interrogation skills.

Who hogs the bed?

Neither one of us. In fact, I sleep on the very edge of the bed for some reason.

Who wakes up earlier?

Me because I have to feed the hoss-child with my body.

Where was your first date?

We ate at Applebee’s and saw a movie. YAY SUBURBS!

Who is more jealous?

Me. Jealousy is not a rational emotion. Ross is not programmed for irrational processes.

How long did it take to get serious?

Not long, I guess? But we were 15 and 16, so what does that mean?

Who eats more?

Lately me because of the whole pregnancy thing and then nursing thing.

Who does the laundry?

I do. In fact I seem to recall a situation in which Ross and his dad were fixing something on the washing machine and they had to call me into the room to turn it on and check to see if it was working. BECAUSE NEITHER ONE OF THEM KNEW HOW.

Who’s better with the computer?

He is. I would hope so, too, because he’s a web developer.

Who drives when you are together?

Me. Ross gets nervous when driving. Then again, he also gets nervous when he’s just a passenger. Our rides are often peppered with exclamations of “OHMYGODWEAREGOINGTODIE,” and “WEWILLNEVERFINDPARKINGLET’SJUSTGOHOME.”

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