Made in Richmond

Would I be approaching ridiculous if I get a Costco membership solely for the purpose of getting the $1.50 hot dog and soda?

I could either go to the gym OR stay right where I am and watch the marathon of America’s Next Top Model Cycle 5 for the ONE MILLIONTH time.

Ooooh, Tyra. You quite possibly could be Satan’s henchman. Damn you! Damn you and your fierce weave!

There will be no updating until Sunday at least because the hubs and I will be gone, gone, gone.  We are celebrating our fourth anniversary out of town and there will be much eating, drinking, and sleeping.  I’m sure to come back fat, so look forward to lots of moping and whining!

I weighed myself at the gym today and I have lost two more pounds.  I celebrated by eating a donut when I got home.  Hey, I was just satisfied with the fact that I could lose it if I wanted to.

I went to BodyCombat at Gold’s Gym tonight. It’s basically a lot of shadow boxing and jumping around and kicking and what not. Oh, and dying. Did I mention the dying? Dying for a solid hour and then much soreness follows the dying. It was great.

One thing I’ve learned from trying out several of the classes at Gold’s is that I’m not much of “move around person.” Sure, I exercise, but that typically takes the shape of running or riding a bike. The classes I feel the most confident in involve balancing, stretching, and holding ridiculous positions for a long period of time. Things requiring me to move more than two limbs at a time while running/jumping I find to be very difficult. Still, I press on and I think I’m a good sport. I know I looked absolutely ridiculous punching and kicking-it was pretty obvious that I have never been in anything that even resembled a fight (slapping, scratching fights of my childhood don’t count). The whole time it was like my arms and legs were saying, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!” But, it was really fun and I think I’ll go back. Once I can walk again.

No, I’m still not going back to BodyJam. Dancing around other people is not something that will help my self-confidence and I’m sure my lack of rhythm is very distracting for the other students.

I walked into the bathroom this evening, about to step into the shower after this evening’s trip to the gym, and what did I find (or not find)? The scale. Ross has hidden it. I think that’s a pretty strong message. I have very strong OCD tendencies and they have all been chanelled into weighing myself 5,436 times a day. Ross knows this and knew that extreme measures had to be taken. So, it’s gone. I can’t find it. Believe me, I looked. But as he said, “We don’t need that anymore.” We know we’re doing the right things and that should be enough encouragement.

So, here’s the plan: I’m giving myself a break. I’m still going to exercise and I’m still going to eat what I’m supposed to eat. But, the days of torturing myself over what the scale says have come to an end. Weighing will only happen at the gym. I’m going to try to do it just once a week. It’s going to be very hard, but this needs to happen for my sanity.

I’m sure there will be days when it will be very hard to resist the urge to fold myself into the food scales at Kroger, but those will pass. It took two years to get where I am, so it’s going to take some time to get where I want to be. I just need to accept that, get over it, and stop making my husband worry.

I’m seriously about to have a break down a la Lilly Allen. (The funny thing is, I *just* saw her on TV and thought, This girl looks like a lovely, normal-sized woman. What a nice thing to see.) I’m stuck on a weight that I’m not happy with. It’s not that I’m concerned with numbers, I’m just not particularly pleased with how this number represents itself on my body and in my overall state of mind. The number could be 327 and I wouldn’t care as long as I felt comfortable in that skin. I’m not comfortable in this skin at all and I’m having a hard time finding something to like about my physical appearance. And you can say that your physical appearance shouldn’t dictate how you feel all you want, but you know that isn’t always true-when you look like death, it’s hard to not feel like it.

So apparently I am the incredible shrinking woman. My pants which were a little snug two weeks ago can now be taken off without unbuttoning them. Convenient, yes, but not a very flattering fit.

Also, Ross made delicious wraps with our delicious organic vegetables for dinner. Seriously, you should consider joining something like Sprout. Everything tastes amazing and the cost is equal or less than what you could get a grocery store. We’ve been eating our first batch for days and we still have tons left. Plus, you get new stuff every week. I cannot wait until Saturday to see what we get. This is ideal for me considering my stomach has decided to not tolerate anything that does not provide me with my essential daily nutrients.

I cannot stop eating. Like at all. Watch out. If you resemble food, I will eat you. Even if you are a mushroom smothered in cilantro you will GET IN MY BELLY.

1. I cannot dance.
2. Most people cannot dance.
3. I do not like dancing.
4. I do not like people looking at me while I can’t dance.
5. I will not go back again.**

*BodyJam is a class at Gold’s where you dance a lot. Like, you have to follow steps and stuff. And you dance. For an hour. The whole hour.
**Please check the class out for yourself. I had a lot of fun but it’s just not for me.