I started Jillian Micheals: 30 Day Shred this week. Because I hate myself, I guess?
No, really, it’s high time that I get myself back into shape. I was lucky enough to lose the majority of my baby weight (oh how I HATE that term for some reason) pretty quickly — save the 10 extra pounds that I always carry around when I’m on the pill. But if I were to go off the pill, it’s highly likely that I’d put that baby weight right back on (in the form of a baby), so you know.
Anyway, despite my blessed lack of post-baby weight problems, things have just been…soft for quite some time. So when I happened upon Ms. Jillian in Target last week, I decided to use the last 10 bucks on my gift card on something other than a T-shirt that will fall apart next month or a package of diapers. (My life! It is GLAMOROUS!)
The shredding (whatever the hell that means) started on Tuesday morning. Yes, MORNING. I got up at 6:30 to get shredded. For those of you not familiar with Ms. Jillian’s technique, it’s basically three circuits: three minutes of strength, two minutes of cardio, and one minute of abs. And you do those sets over and over again for about 20 minutes on either Level 1, Level 2, or Level 3. Easy peasy.
I was proud of myself for getting through it without stopping once.My prime motivator when doing anything strenuous is to chant, “22 hours of labor, 22 hours of labor.” That typically makes any physical task seem pretty attainable.
However, that’s not to suggest that there wasn’t a lot of yelling. Here are some of the gems that I gasped and sputtered ferociously roared and Jillian during our first meeting:
No, YOU do two more JILLIAN*.
I hate you.
This is why no one wants to be on your team, JILLIAN. This, THIS RIGHT HERE, is why people like Bob more.
Yes, I KNOW those abs don’t come for free.
STILL HATE YOU.
Jillian, I’m sorry. It was the pain talking. I really do appreciate your enthusiasm for my efforts to get “shredded”. Even though I still don’t know what that means. And even though it’s two days later and I still can’t raise my arms over my head.
*I say “JILLIAN” just like Phil said “LILLIAN” on Rugrats. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, well, I just don’t know what to do with you.