We don’t celebrate Halloween at the Catrow house. It’s not because of religious reasons; it’s because of the jerks that live in our neighborhood.
We spent our first Halloween as a married couple in our little apartment on Ellwood Avenue. No Trick-or-Treaters came because, hello, it was a creepy apartment building where none of the hall lights worked.
So, our first year in this house, I was all about Halloween. We carved the pumpkin, bought the candy, and waited for the knocks on the door. The first few (and I mean very few) visitors were exactly what you would want to see: little ones decked out and accompanied by their parents. Cuteness was everywhere, treats were given, and thank yous were even said.
And then the sun went down.
Out came the punks.
The tentative knocks transitioned into impatient, obnoxious poundings (which were SO FUN in my house with the Commisioner of the Fun Police). Upon opening the door, I was greeted by people approaching the legal voting age, wearing normal clothes, holding plastic bags, saying absolutely nothing: no hellos, no trick-or-treats, and definitely no thank yous.
Unfortunately, the jerks outweighed the cute. Until the cute prevails, my porch light stays off.
Those were the words Ross uttered upon realizing that…
A SQUIRREL WAS IN OUR OFFICE.
YES.
A SQUIRREL WAS IN OUR OFFICE.
And we have no idea how it got there.
We are aware that something was potentially still trapped in our ceiling when we patched up the exterior hole on Sunday. And we know that there was, in fact, a squirrel in OUR HOUSE. But we can’t find the means of entrance from the ceiling and into our living space.
I WANT TO DIE.
***UPDATE***
Ross managed to get the squirrel out by opening the office window from the outside. The furry friend bolted out. Upon closer inspection tonight, we think either the squirrel somehow made it down the chimney OR came through the large gap between the ceiling and the ceiling fan.
I’m just hoping that I wake up to no squirrely noises tomorrow…or squirrely bodies on my face.
Ross and I were awakened this morning by the unmistakable sound of squirrels scurrying around in the vicinity of our roof. I kept trying to tell myself that they were just *on* the roof, but after listening a little longer my stomach sank at the realization that the disgusting vermin were a little closer to us than that. See, we don’t exactly have an attic, but there is some negative space between our ceiling and the roof that I’m sure is a lovely hiding place for these rats with bushy tails. I knew it was time to investigate.
I took the dogs out a few minutes later and as they were doing their business, I looked up at the corner of the roof where some bitch-ass birds had done some damage last spring. Sure enough, within just a few seconds a squirrel stuck its creepy little face out of a significantly larger hole just in time for me to see him.
Now if this had happened three years ago when we moved into the house, I would have reacted with a combination of vomiting and tears at the thought of what fixing this would involve. But, today I just sighed and trudged back into the house to start the in-law consultation as to what we could do about this problem. Because after the leaking toilets, cracked pipes, $900 water and gas bills, windows that don’t shut, and wonky foundation, I’m really just not surprised by anything anymore.
We went to MattWhite’s house last night (formerly known as James and Jennifer’s house) to continue our celebration of Mariah’s birthday party. Their backyard has been the host of several festivities, mostly because they have a fire pit. Yeah, that’s right.
Anyway, as most of the gatherings are boy-dominant, crazy antics usually happen. Last night involved Jake trying to hurdle over the trashcan in the alley. Of course there was lots of peer pressure, yelling of inappropriate things, and falling on the ground. Fun times, but not as funny as last New Year’s.
See, there’s a giant tree back there. And there was a rope in the tree. And an empty trashcan nearby. And Jake had had some beers. The video is dark, but the talking is the best part. The maniacal giggling in the background is my darling husband.
Ross, my mother-in-law, and I went to go look at hardwood flooring today (after lunch at Can-Can and seriously, there’s nothing better than a Saturday lunch there). We drove all the way out to the end’s of the earth to Lumber Liquidators near Southpark Mall. After telling the very nice salesperson what we needed (A. Cheap, B. Hard enough to handle two stupid dogs, C. Still cheap) we narrowed down our choices to a nicely priced Beech (or maybe Birch? I obviously was paying a lot of attention to that part). We would loved to have gotten a wide-planked dark wood, but the fact that we are poor and our dogs have talons AND we’ll only be in this house a little longer means that we shouldn’t go all out at the moment.
Anyway, I made the decision in about 3 seconds, which I seem to do with every major decision - this house and my car are the two biggest purchases we’ve ever made and that took all of 10 minutes each for me to decide on. I mean, it looked nice. It’s on sale. They deliver. It needs to be in our house for a week before we can lay it down the weekend after Labor Day. All signs pointed to handing the nice man our credit card and calling it a day. At least I thought they did. I had fully accepted the fact that this project would be costing us a couple thousand dollars, as do most things that add value to your home. Well, the hubs just couldn’t bring himself to make the purchase today. He needs to sit on it, even if just out of principle. Honestly, I can’t really argue with it because, after all, out of the two of us he will be the one doing most of the work on this. If I’m spared from hours of back-breaking work, he can take all the time he needs.
At least my backyard is on it’s way to becoming heaven.
I came home today (AKA The Day of Fence Demolition) to find that Ross and company (wonderful, giving company) had succeeded in tearing down the fence in a little over an hour. They were working on the back shed (yes, we have a front shed that is directly in front of the back shed-rather than getting rid of the crappy shed, the previous owner just put a new one in front of it) when I got home. All demolition was finished around 6:30 and we had pizza and beer to celebrate.
On top of all of that, my mother-in-law cleaned my kitchen today while she was waiting for various fencing deliveries. It is awesome. Some people have issues about other people cleaning their houses. I am not one of those people. Any of you can come over and clean my house any time you want. I’ll come over and eat your food any time I want. Because that’s the same thing.
Anyway, the yard is a complete disaster and I’m sure our neighbors hate us, but we’re on our way to having a functional backyard. I’ll be sure to post pictures upon completion.
If you are in front of my house and doing anything suspicious, I’m calling the police. I happened upon a very sketchy situation this evening when I got home from the gym and it made me angry. Very, very angry. Not on my watch, buddies. This is my neighborhood.
Best Diarist “I feel like I know Valerie like a best friend. I think if I saw her in Ukrop’s, I’d be compelled to ask how Ross’s birthday was. Does she have a clue who I am? No.”
