A letter

dammit,puppers — Valerie on November 11, 2009 at 8:54 pm

Dear dogs (you a-holes),

I know it’s raining. I’ve been lugging a 23+ pound child in and out of the rain all day. I am aware.

I am also aware of the fact that perhaps squidgy grass does not feel exactly pleasant on your dainty feet, so maybe going outside isn’t so much fun. But you see, the thing is, if you would do your “business” right when you get outside, rather than tiptoeing around with a look of disdain on your face while whimpering and then quickly bounding inside without relieving yourselves, you wouldn’t then turn to me 3 minutes later with an “Oh sh*t!” look on your face and leap for the door, only to repeat the previously outlined and annoying-as-hell routine.

Sincerely,

That Lady Who Was Screaming “GOOOOOOOOO!” At You All Evening

PS – Stop using my couch as a towel.

7 Comments »

  1. I think you should write more of these and then submit them to McSweeney’s:

    http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/

    Comment by Tess — November 11, 2009 @ 9:54 pm

  2. The dogs note your letter but would like to remind you of one thing: They are dogs. This is what they do.

    Comment by ALF — November 12, 2009 @ 12:58 pm

  3. Haha, that is hilarious. I was in the same state of mind this morning as I had to carry my prima donna dog outside. God forbid he walks through a puddle.

    Comment by Tina Elam — November 12, 2009 @ 1:30 pm

  4. My sister and her dog are living with us, and he keeps doing the same thing. He has a little more reason due to the fact that he’s hairless… however, she had to physically go outside with him to get him to go yesterday. We think he hadn’t gone since the rain started. Crazy dogs. You roll in and/or eat poop, yet you can do your business when it’s raining??!!!

    Comment by Anitra — November 12, 2009 @ 1:36 pm

  5. The weiner dog just poops on the porch. bad weiner dog…

    Comment by jenny moment — November 12, 2009 @ 6:58 pm

  6. My dog does the same thing! She once went 18 hours w/out going to the bathroom. We even have a little covered spot in the mulch but she won’t go. She does pee from excitement at the drop of a hat. Not sure how she can hold it for so long but lose it so quickly when she sees a new person.

    Comment by Brittany — November 15, 2009 @ 11:35 pm

  7. So true. This letter could be CC’d to Burger. So great to meet you tonight! And you are officially Reader-fied. Can’t wait to keep up with you (like the Kardashians… only not).

    xo,
    Sherry

    Comment by Sherry @ Young House Love — November 16, 2009 @ 10:16 pm

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