Made in Richmond

I am very, VERY proud of you for making the decision to divorce K-Fed. Normally I don’t condone divorce, but since I didn’t condone your marriage, I feel like it’s ok. I feel like this is a move in the right direction for you. However, *this* probably isn’t:

C’mon, honey. First of all, I don’t understand why all you young girls are insisting on wearing wigs. I don’t care how jacked up your hair might be from not washing it for 2 years during your marriage, or as we’ll call it “Period of Super Insanity and Trashiness” (POSIAT), wigs are not good. To top it off, you have a hat on. With a pom-pom on it. While you are wearing a cute little black dress. POSIAT is over. Make a clean break. Take a shower, comb your own hair, put on a little mascara and blush. I said a little. It won’t hurt, I promise.

Much love to you, B. I feel like we can be friends again.

Saw “Borat” and felt uncomforable.
Got yelled at by cops for “loitering” I guess. Will never go to the West End again.
Woke up Saturday feeling like I was going to vomit.
Got haircut.
Consoled crying sister.
Ate free lunch at Can-Can.
Consoled crying mother.
Went to PetSmart and looked at the cute puppies.
Went to Barnes and Noble and bought a book.
Went to Target and encountered the most socially awkward girl in the entire world and felt uncomfortable for her.
Created and ordered our Christmas cards.
Ate at Joe’s.
Made buttons for our school reading program.
Woke up Sunday still feeling like I was going to vomit.
Made some more buttons.
Did some of my homework.
Took at nap.
Ate at Taco Bell.
Made some more buttons.
Finished my homework.
Watched too much T.V.
Off to bed.

I am nearing the point where I need to decrease on my hat. I’m knitting the hat on a circular needle and I have the double-pointed needles to finish but I have no clue how. Please respond with detailed instruction or a website that will give me said instructions.

Thank you.

This is something I completely and totally believe. I believe it so much that I insisted that I walk down the aisle to this song at my sister‘s wedding. My brother, being the amazing musician that he is, worked it out so it was only a somewhat-recognizable arrangement of the song. And my sister, being the amazing person that *she* is, allowed it to be so.

When I was in high school I was WAY too skinny. Looking back at pictures of it, it was actually kinda gross. I ate all the time, seriously, but I was a nervous wreck so I never gained any weight. I stayed a nervous wreck until about 2 years ago, thus I stayed skinny until then.

As my coping abilities improved, my weight went up. This was either due to medication or the ability to sit in one place and relax. Maybe both. Whatever the reason, my hip bones that once potruded out from my body now look a little softer. Other parts of me have gotten a little (ok, a lot) fuller. As my mother once put it to me, “You look like a GIRL now.”

At first (and still, at times) I had a hard time with this. I spent the first part of my life eating whatever the mess I wanted to and never seeing any results on my body. Age, metabolism, and life changes have altered that and now I can definitely tell if I have indulged a little too much. Being used to Southern food doesn’t help. Honestly, it’s hard for me to have lunch or dinner without something fried included in the mix. Or bacon. We Southerners love bacon. And butter. And bacon with butter. Mmmmmmmm.

Anyway, I’m starting to appreciate it now. I’m more concerned with being healthy than skinny. I’d rather by healthy and curvy than healthy and skinny. And it helps when you have a husband who watches a movie with Marilyn Monroe in it, exclaims how beautiful she is, and then insists that you have a body just like hers.

So anyway, here’s to some fat-bottomed girls that I love…

It’s said that she was very fond how of she wiggled when she walked.

Toni Collette seems to be just so normal overall. Normal AND beautiful. And hilarious. Did you see Little Miss Sunshine? Hello.

Miss Winslet is known for her committment to curves. How can you not like that?

Miss Scarlette is by no means big, but apparently gets told to lose weight a lot. She’s quoted as saying that she loves her body. And apparently the entire civilized world does because she’s on the cover of every magazine ever.

And I will close with those indelible words sung by the legendary Freddie Mercury:

Are you gonna take me home tonight
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin world go round

Hey I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery
Left alone with big fat fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!

Ive been singing with my band
Across the wire across the land
I seen evry blue eyed floozy on the way
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time

Oh wont you take me home tonight?
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round

Hey listen here
Now your mortgages and homes
I got stiffness in the bones
Aint no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me
Now get this

Oh you gonna take me home tonight (please)
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Get on your bikes and ride

Oooh yeah them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah yeah yeah
Fat bottomed girls
Yes yes

So I’m an idiot. While I’ve had a circular needle for sometime, I just recently figured out how to use it so you can actually use it to knit in a circle. I had just been using it as a way to conveniently hold a lot of stitches. But last night I was determined to figure it out. So I did. At 11:00pm. Then I knitted until 11:48 pm. For 48 minutes I sat at my desk, not speaking to anyone, and knitted until I realized that I couldn’t really move my neck. I have a problem.

I know that all of you are just tolerating this election coverage to keep yourselves busy until I finally blessed you all with an update on the knitting. Alas, wait no more.

I am totally and completely addicted to it. I knit ALL THE TIME. Ask anyone who has stopped by my house-I answer the door knitting. I cannot leave the house without getting another row in.

Despite my addiction to it, I haven’t been very productive. I’ve knitted one regular scarf with an interesting pattern. I also just finished another scarf that involves buttons. I will post pictures once I remember to ask Ross to take them.

After mastering the rectangle, I decided I could knit a hat. I wanted to start out by knitting a hat for my good friend Remus who is 8 months old and has a small head. With the first one, I completely didn’t understand the concept of decreasing and effed the whole thing up. As Stitch ‘n’ Bitch says, sometimes you need to know when to pull it out. I didn’t even pull it out. I threw it away. After consulting Kate and my knitting instruction book for the 98798689 time, I tried again. This time I got the decreasing and made just about the cutest hat ever. However, I wasn’t completely satisfied with the finishing, so at 6:45 this morning, I decided it would be a good idea to slip the seams out and start over. I ended up snipping something that I shouldn’t have and messed it up beyond repair. Ross said he was disappointed in my because I couldn’t leave well-enough alone.

Today I started knitting another hat. I have no clue who it is for, except that they will have a smaller head than me. I am confident that this one will be a success.

Night, kids.