Made in Richmond

I decided to google images of “Valerie” tonight. Aside from the expected slutted-up pictures (apparently all other Valeries are quite whore-ish, at least those found on the internet) I found this lovely tidbit:

Apparently, you can mail order a VALERIE ANDROID from some dude named Chris in Texas. Click here for details. Notice her stylish suit and hairstyle.

Zapp’s bark is INSANELY loud and howly. It gets really high pitched at the end and she kind of scares herself. It makes me laugh.

See here.

I am demanding a public declaration of love for me from my husband to be posted on the Internet. I’m going on strike (i.e. not blogging) until my demands are met.

1. People who put those elastic bands with bows on them around their infant daughter’s head.
2. Dust.
3. When children don’t put their names on their papers.
4. Dogs dressed up like humans.
5. Cilantro.
6. People who put pens that do not work *back* in the cup sitting next to the phone.
7. When people say “aks” instead of “ask.”
8. Not being in the Dominican Republic right now.
9. The streetlight outside my window that blinds me all through the night.
10. When little kids are sick.

There’s nothing like sitting in a room with the window open, reading the Internet, and listening to the Jackson 5. I’d feel guilty asking for anything more.

After equally exhausting days, Ross and I decided that we deserved to splurge and get ourselves some Taco Bell. This is always exciting because, as we are poor, even the cheapest of dinners out feels like extreme decadence. As we were waiting for our food at the drive through window, the repeatedly heard the lady working there saying sh*t, I think because the person who ordered after us wasn’t specifying if he wanted regular lemonade or pink lemonade. I’m sure she was having a rough day, and I imagine that working at Taco Bell bites the big one, but is cussing in your place of work (that also happens to be a place where people bring their children) really necessary? I understand cussing under your breath or in the privacy of your own home, but she didn’t even try to disguise it. It was just sh*t, sh*t, sh*t all over the place. It took all I had to not park the car and go in to speak to the manager. If I were her boss and I heard her saying that, I would fire her on the spot. But that’s just me, and I’m kinda crazy insane.

Sorry about the annoying *’s but I need to do that incase one of my kids walks up on me at work. While I’m reading my own blog. Yeah, that’s right. I read my own. A lot.

I’ve started riding my bike more. I’m starting to understand why Ross loves it so much. When I’m riding it, I kinda feel like I’m better than the suckers who are stuck inside their cars on pretty days. Too bad I’m so out of shape that I can’t ride it very far.

Don’t buy a bathing suit during PMS. It just makes you feel bad about yourself.

One of my favorite teachers in the school has decided to move up to 5th grade. I’m psyched to the max.

I’m trying to read more. I’m currently reading The Known World by Edward P. Jones. My mother-in-law gave it to me months ago. I figured it was about time to start it.

My sister is now on imdb.com. Check it out.

Ross thinks I’m working out right now.

I wish Matt and Maura lived here NOW.

I only have 2 more months of school. I feel more prepared for the SOLs than I ever have. Rather than enjoying it, I’m stressing out that I’m not stressed, and fear that my confidence will cause them to fail. That’s messed up.

I currently have a blemish. I haven’t had a blemish in 3 months. I’m scared that my skin has adapted to my cleanser.

Diana Ross’s “Love Child” is a great song.

I realized yesterday while doing laundry that Ross and I were in dire need of new undergarments. I went to Target to “price them” to see if it was worth it. Then I felt pitiful and poor. But somewhat noble.

I’m going to go take a shower and then watch SuperNanny.

As today is Friday, and the rest of the world doesn’t have to work tomorrow either, my spring break is officially over now. Let’s look at the run-down of what this week has given me…

Days slept in after 10:00: 6 out of 7
Free lunches out: 3
Paid for lunches out: 1
Times I shampooed the rugs: 2
Time spent exercising: 30 minutes
Episodes of “A Different World Watched”: 12
Hours working in the yard: 1
Hours reading myspace: 14
Hours spent regretting my semi-sedentary lifestyle: ZERO.

SPRING BREAK! WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Only 2 more months of school!!! OWWWW!!!!!!

What if instead of this:

and this:

We had this:

and this:

*Partial credit for this post goes to my husband because he brought it up. The rest of it goes to me because I found/made the hilarious pictures.